this weekend i am making a long trip to gather up pieces of my life
that for some reason hold value to me.
maybe.
maybe its the trip.
maybe its the putting those pieces back in my life
to feel whole again and maybe to let go of later....
i dont fucking know.
i do know that i have to do this.
its uncomfortable and something that i was very unprepared for.
in my mind, i thought that once the dust settled and the natives
moved on, we would find our place again.
that disagreements would have time to find a place to settle
and that life would become easier and distractions less
that the passion and excitement would build and cause
us to forge into this new found place of just being US
a place to start fresh and find our place in this crazy awesome world.
that's not the case and it may have been inevitable
well it actually was cause i am making that long trip
to gather up the piece to try to put things back together
and still have that life that i imagined....
this time, i am going big
my imagination is bursting with love
and fun
and adventure
and fights
and makeup sex
and quiet days
and chore days
and more love
this time i am putting a big fucking fence around my open, gentle heart.....
not to keep anyone out
just to protect it because it is so precious
i miss the love shine bursting out of it and the bliss that goes along with it
I've been thinking about your heart, how it's been hurt. It's been hurt so many times why would you not put a fence around it. This I understand. What bothers me is that the men that have been in your life, that have had the privilege of feeling your love, and believe me when I say , "IT'S A PRIVILEGE". I feel they have cast a dark cloud over what is a Beautiful, Kind, Loving & Tender Soul. I'm angry, very angry that these men have cast this shadow over such a Beautiful Flower. I know there's more to your pain then just the loss of relationship and you've shared a little of that with me and I'm grateful. You must know how bright you shine Tawnja, you bring life to the world. I make this promise to you. You will not have to walk thru this alone or any storm for that matter. Good days or bad, I'm here for you. I will water your soul with love & comfort, cultivate your spirit with happiness & joy, touch your heart with kindness & laughter...... xoxo C.D.
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