today i spent time listening to my breath
quieting my mind
and looking inward

what i found was peace
peace that i thought was long gone
kicked to the curb by noisy self criticism
that i had let be my internal voice

for the past month or so i have been struggling with who i am, what my life should be/look/feel like, what is love, is love real and am i good enough.
the pain and chaos was all self induced and the gross part is that i believed that i had zero value and that the internal voice was truth

taking the time to make my mind shut the fuck up and listen to my breath and my soul was excatly what i needed all along.
and you know what i know ...
love is real
life is messy
i am worth it
pain is essential for change
and
sometimes things get confussing and scary
but its not just me
it happens to us all
we all need to take some time, make some space
 and give care to our inner, most sacred parts so that our gorgeous spirit can shine bright
and
so that all of our dreams and desires have a place to show up and blow up bigger than we imagined

to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides...

 It took me a while to expose my heart,
 trust you with me and
 allow you in
 as more than a friend.
 you never gave up
 you didn't walk away and
 you showed me how beautifully human you are.

 you always tell me that opposites attract.
i just learned that the unity of opposites means
that opposites cannot exist without each   other -
there is no day without night, no summer without winter,
no warm without cold, no good without bad.
The path up and down is one the same.

lately i find myself dreaming of the endless possibilities of life with you.i have been  imagining how our life can be...
 sharing day to day life
 exploring new places
 spending time with our family
 creating new memories
 and taking gobs of photos to piece together our story.

 excitement,hope and bliss are bursting from the core of my being!
 i am elated with this renewed sense of optimism
 and am committed to see my/our goals come to fruition. 
 these thoughts have given life to some incredible feelings
 feelings that creates wonder within my soul.
 it has been quite sometime since i have looked at my life, goals and future in positive flux. life is going in a completely new direction and anything is possible!!!

thank you for believing, for being so patient, loving me when it was hard to and showing me the value of it all.

lovin you... <3
~me

life/love/this

Never apologize for showing feeling.
When you do so, you apologize for the truth.
- Benjamin Disraeli

I am not sure what it is that is making me leary and unsure

it could be that there is some energy that is not being addressed

it could be that we arent communicating in a language that i understand

it could be a beneficial lesson for this school called life... 

or it could totally be me digging my feet in, not speaking my truth 

standing on the edge of sabotaging something amazing 

all because i am a tiny bit insecure and impatient

although, 

there is something in my gut saying
that I really need to look at this
with balance 

and 

an open heart and mind

to find the truth...