i find myself these last few weeks being pulled in directions that i dont want to go.
i am working my tail off to prove to "someone" that i can do my job well
but it's never good enough. never.
i just did a 58 page report and was so proud only
to get the call that says "hey, you forgot to fill in this ciricle at the bottom
of page 7. i gotta go im on a conference call.

i honestly dont know why i care what "someone" thinks of my work.
maybe because sometimes, "hey you have been working hard and your work shows it
would be nice to hear."

what i want is to be off at 4pm and go for a bike ride or a long walk
or get out some beads and create, write more in my journal... idk, something that makes
me feel good and not so owned.

i know that its more than the work, its life and sometimes i just need to
move in a different direction so i change the flow....

sometimes, just stometimes
doing and saying the right things are
in two different dimentions.

you know what you want to say
knowing that its positive and helpful
yet when the words come out
they are not what your thoughts
speak
they are what the ears hear...
and those ears are going through their own
stuff so they dont hear what "positivness"
you speak. then its a big ass crumbled messs....

or a perfect place
 to have an open conversation
with love and not boundries.....

thank goodness for these moments.
moments where chaos turns into peace.
i am grateful for my people when our times get rough
and our space becomes soft.