today i spent time listening to my breath
quieting my mind
and looking inward

what i found was peace
peace that i thought was long gone
kicked to the curb by noisy self criticism
that i had let be my internal voice

for the past month or so i have been struggling with who i am, what my life should be/look/feel like, what is love, is love real and am i good enough.
the pain and chaos was all self induced and the gross part is that i believed that i had zero value and that the internal voice was truth

taking the time to make my mind shut the fuck up and listen to my breath and my soul was excatly what i needed all along.
and you know what i know ...
love is real
life is messy
i am worth it
pain is essential for change
and
sometimes things get confussing and scary
but its not just me
it happens to us all
we all need to take some time, make some space
 and give care to our inner, most sacred parts so that our gorgeous spirit can shine bright
and
so that all of our dreams and desires have a place to show up and blow up bigger than we imagined

to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides...

 It took me a while to expose my heart,
 trust you with me and
 allow you in
 as more than a friend.
 you never gave up
 you didn't walk away and
 you showed me how beautifully human you are.

 you always tell me that opposites attract.
i just learned that the unity of opposites means
that opposites cannot exist without each   other -
there is no day without night, no summer without winter,
no warm without cold, no good without bad.
The path up and down is one the same.

lately i find myself dreaming of the endless possibilities of life with you.i have been  imagining how our life can be...
 sharing day to day life
 exploring new places
 spending time with our family
 creating new memories
 and taking gobs of photos to piece together our story.

 excitement,hope and bliss are bursting from the core of my being!
 i am elated with this renewed sense of optimism
 and am committed to see my/our goals come to fruition. 
 these thoughts have given life to some incredible feelings
 feelings that creates wonder within my soul.
 it has been quite sometime since i have looked at my life, goals and future in positive flux. life is going in a completely new direction and anything is possible!!!

thank you for believing, for being so patient, loving me when it was hard to and showing me the value of it all.

lovin you... <3
~me

life/love/this

Never apologize for showing feeling.
When you do so, you apologize for the truth.
- Benjamin Disraeli

I am not sure what it is that is making me leary and unsure

it could be that there is some energy that is not being addressed

it could be that we arent communicating in a language that i understand

it could be a beneficial lesson for this school called life... 

or it could totally be me digging my feet in, not speaking my truth 

standing on the edge of sabotaging something amazing 

all because i am a tiny bit insecure and impatient

although, 

there is something in my gut saying
that I really need to look at this
with balance 

and 

an open heart and mind

to find the truth...

changes

as autumn
takes the back seat
to the approaching
winter
and we
are coming into
that dormant state
in our lives
its important
to clear away the
old
dead 
debris
that harvest
has left behind.

how i see this is 
clearing away the culls
(distractions & dream stealers)
the deadwood 
(energy vampires)
grain straw 
(clutter..people and things)

what is no longer needed
making room for a new crop
of
dreams
goals
desires
wishes 
adventure
and
magic 


my wish for you is 
that you
see your vision 
that your heart is longing for
and
on purpose make  the time
to nurture
your soul
your dreams
your desires 
so that when spring comes
 your dreams will blossom
and 
take you further than you imagined


 

surrendering

the past few weeks
i have been more weak
than i would like to admit

ive not embraced my power to over come
and not held fast to my dreams

instead i have allowed
little
unimportant
petty
things
to creep in
and
try
to take away
from the beauty
of
my life
my dreams
my being

today i am

releasing the shame
embracing my power

eliminating the things
that are distracting me
from who i am
and
who i resolve to be


i have been ugly, prideful,messy
and pushed you away
i didnt want you
to see my weakness

not knowing that
though i was learning a lesson
in my pain

i was hurting you
~
knowing that breaks my heart

you are my rock
you show me
that i am valued
the purpose for the lesson
is to grow
and
that the hard stuff
is short lived

you stand by me
love me through my messiness
remind me that you aren't leaving
and
where you are going
you are taking me with you

♥
thank you
for you
♥


for your
unshakable
love
strenghth
and passion
to move forward with our dreams
and living the life you/i/we imagine

loving you
♥tj

now

as of late my mind
my thoughts
and my soul's desires are conspiring and conversing
about what life means
what the future looks like
and what its like fully living in the present moment

for me, being in the present moment takes practice
its definitely a challenge
my thoughts are flux
thoughtful of the past
experiencing the now
planning the future
dreaming of life overflowing with love and bliss!
knowing that there is so much more...
more to taste
more to smell
more to see
more love
more to experience
more to write

right smack dab

yesterday i woke up to the storm clouds
promising me lovely reflections of
sparkly clean clarity from the washing away
of all the sweat and dust of the last week
just to have my ass kicked by a dust bunny!

i thought i had made peace with what my heart felt
and resolved that it is what it is and what it is
is absolutely beautiful!

but wow...
now i am taken back..
the rain just washed away the veil
of the truth in my heart.
so i ask myself

self, does this serve you to think such things
or feel this way?

self to ego says

i believe so...
i believe that its okay to have this be perfect in
all its unorthodox sanctity
its beautiful no matter what
and to be happy with being
right here
right now
doing this
until
if there is a time
that things could be different