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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

23 x 2

my sweet joey,

it's hard to fathom
that the years have doubled
since the world
as i knew it
and my heart shattered
hearing the words
"he didn't make it".

i didn't want this to be real.
i begged god
to please bring you back to us
it was too soon
we had so many things to do
you had so much more life to live
what about our family?
how do i do this without you?
i could hear you say
you have to do this
for our family
for you
for me.

my head was spinning
my heart was aching so bad
i could feel it in my soul.
and that aching
that pain
is just as real today
as it was 23 years ago.

joey, this day broke me wide open.
i didnt know what strength was
until it was my only option.

losing you
 taught me so much...
about love
and courage
and how to keep our family together
even when i was falling apart.
it taught me
to make the most of every day
to be a better person
to love fiercely
with reckless abandon
and to never withhold good from anyone
to see others with the eyes of love.
from the ashes came so much beauty.

recently i read a quote that said
you never realize the value of a moment
until it becomes a memory.
our last goodbye kiss
and i love you as you got in our truck
to leave... i can still see your smile,
hear your voice
and feel the love we shared.

i miss you so much, woe joe.
this year is just as painful as the first.
my face is a wet, salty mess.
i don't know what is worse,
the shock of losing you
or the ache
of not having more days with you.

this grief thing doesn't change...
it still hurts like hell.

i will always mourn the loss
of you in our lives
and also, celebrate the days shared with you.

thinking of you
and loving you always
and holding you close in my heart.

never goodbye
see you later...


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