somedays....

there is this one person that just happened into my life one day...

one perfect unexpected day. 

the sun was shinning and the air wasnt too hot

he delivered huge heavy boxes

of unknown heaviness to my office

he was kind and spoke with a genuineness

he helped me move them into the room 

way in the back where they were to live

and hold important private office stuff.

we somehow started up a conversation on music

(music~the universal language) 

Y and T heart, fleetwood, and for the love of god, the FOO FIGHTERS!

we talked for way too long for the allocation of the delivery time.

he asked to email... i found it kind that he didnt want to 

intrude and ask for my number, that made it comfortable and safe.

we both knew that it was kismet, we were supposed to meet

not sure why 

but we were.

i would say that its been about 2+years that we have 

been in contact. its so weird because we have barely seen each other and sometimes hardly talk but somedays it seems like we have known each other lifetimes. 

i am more than grateful to have been at work during delivery hours

to have the opportunity to get to know this incredible man! 

he has a soul that sees 
and has seen the depths of lifetimes 

his genuineness is inexpressible 
and his heart 
oh his heart... 
you can feel it beat 500 miles away.

so. 

completely.

pure.

looking deeper and trusting

i am in a place where i want to honor my "me~ness"

the who i am

the messy me

the organized me

the mindful of my intentions me

the parts of me that i want to love 

the parts of me that i already do

the parts that are screaming for adventure

not just lets go on a hike or drive to the coast 

but the kind of adventure where you are blown away 

everyday because you took a chance on something that you only dreamed of...
that kind of adventure.

i feel restless yet comfortable~ish... 

i know that sounds crazy but, hear me out

i have received the same message for over a month

and i got it again this morning...

looking deeper

look deeper into situations or relationships

look beyond whats in plain sight

take a second look or a third

look deep within and find the hidden gems

that are just begging you to see their radiance

to see YOUR radiance.

look and listen with your heart and trust what you hear and see. 

dwell in the truth

you are worth it

you are loved 

and YOU are such a bad ass! 

today i should be starting to unleash my thoughts, my emotions, my swirly stuff in my heart and head. today i am giving me a hall pass. the swirlys need a time out and maybe a nap :) If i start now, i may not stop. i cherrish my head and heart enough to give it a day of rest.

ps 

love and friendship are so delicate. be super good to one another. xoxox

40 days

i have missed you... everything about you.

 the safe place where words come to me and you allow me to leave them.

 i have missed being open and free to just be. to open the fuck up and be raw. be me. be authentic

i am grateful for this forty days to commit to whats on my heart &

what my soul needs to bare.

sigh.

day one starts tomorrow.... 

ps

thank you at a snail's pace and stacy de la rosa for THIS. i need to remember to live like someone left the gate open. 

disclaimer.... my spelling and my punctuation might be off but my heart is real and raw and ready to expose herself <3 div="">

today i spent time listening to my breath
quieting my mind
and looking inward

what i found was peace
peace that i thought was long gone
kicked to the curb by noisy self criticism
that i had let be my internal voice

for the past month or so i have been struggling with who i am, what my life should be/look/feel like, what is love, is love real and am i good enough.
the pain and chaos was all self induced and the gross part is that i believed that i had zero value and that the internal voice was truth

taking the time to make my mind shut the fuck up and listen to my breath and my soul was excatly what i needed all along.
and you know what i know ...
love is real
life is messy
i am worth it
pain is essential for change
and
sometimes things get confussing and scary
but its not just me
it happens to us all
we all need to take some time, make some space
 and give care to our inner, most sacred parts so that our gorgeous spirit can shine bright
and
so that all of our dreams and desires have a place to show up and blow up bigger than we imagined

to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides...

 It took me a while to expose my heart,
 trust you with me and
 allow you in
 as more than a friend.
 you never gave up
 you didn't walk away and
 you showed me how beautifully human you are.

 you always tell me that opposites attract.
i just learned that the unity of opposites means
that opposites cannot exist without each   other -
there is no day without night, no summer without winter,
no warm without cold, no good without bad.
The path up and down is one the same.

lately i find myself dreaming of the endless possibilities of life with you.i have been  imagining how our life can be...
 sharing day to day life
 exploring new places
 spending time with our family
 creating new memories
 and taking gobs of photos to piece together our story.

 excitement,hope and bliss are bursting from the core of my being!
 i am elated with this renewed sense of optimism
 and am committed to see my/our goals come to fruition. 
 these thoughts have given life to some incredible feelings
 feelings that creates wonder within my soul.
 it has been quite sometime since i have looked at my life, goals and future in positive flux. life is going in a completely new direction and anything is possible!!!

thank you for believing, for being so patient, loving me when it was hard to and showing me the value of it all.

lovin you... <3
~me

life/love/this

Never apologize for showing feeling.
When you do so, you apologize for the truth.
- Benjamin Disraeli

I am not sure what it is that is making me leary and unsure

it could be that there is some energy that is not being addressed

it could be that we arent communicating in a language that i understand

it could be a beneficial lesson for this school called life... 

or it could totally be me digging my feet in, not speaking my truth 

standing on the edge of sabotaging something amazing 

all because i am a tiny bit insecure and impatient

although, 

there is something in my gut saying
that I really need to look at this
with balance 

and 

an open heart and mind

to find the truth...